Password...is your computer safe

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using thefollowingpassword:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

The Original Computer!!!!

Memory was something you lost with age

An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano

A web was a spider's home

A virus was the flu

A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And if you had a 3.5 inch floppy.

You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!

JOIN THE ARMED FORCES...serve your country!!!

the army's newest recruit,,, Sargent squirrel

If Dog is man's best friend.....

Is Man Dog's best friend....?

Why terrorists will never attack the south!

Family Day in Alabama = "YEAH C'MON!"

Irish women and their priests.....OMG

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'The priest thought long and hard and then said,'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

Dear Penis..........

Dear Penis

Michaelangelo's painting of the white house

Dick Bridge

Lake Peigneur Salt Mine

Australian Shooter Magazine

An interesting letter in Australian Shooter Magazine says: "If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the past 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.

The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. That means you are about 25 percent more likely to be shot and killed in the US capital, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the US, than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: The US should pull out of Washington.

Big brother watching you?...more than you think...

Newest radar cars...... "already very sneaky"..... gets even sneakier......


Just your "average Taxi" right…….. WRONG
Oh yes…. It's intentionally designed to look like a taxi, roof light, no markings etc.
But the red lights aren't just "blink". The roof sign actually says "Police"
This is the latest POLICE RADAR CARS….. Currently in use in Georgetown & Milton areas.

The history of the middle finger

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'

And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing

Who's on first.....

You have to get out of your seat and walk away from your computer. People may think you're crazy. But it's well worth it.

When you look at this picture close up, you see Albert Einstein, but if you stand about fifteen feet away, the picture will become Marilyn Monroe.

Walmart caters to all your needs....

Sienna Bronze Casket, available at Walmart.com
Photograph by: Handout, Walmart.com
SAN FRANCISCO - Wal-Mart Stores Inc is now catering to its shoppers' needs from cradle to grave.

The world's largest retailer has introduced online sales of caskets, expanding a merchandise selection that spans engagement rings and baby gear to a new major milestone in its shoppers' lives.

Shoppers can choose from the Lady de Guadalupe steel casket for $895 or a sienna bronze casket for $2,899.00.

Walmart.com spokesman Ravi Jariwala said it is selling the products as a "limited beta test" that launched within the last few weeks.

Wal-Mart has been revamping its merchandise selection in stores and online to expand into categories it believes have high potential for growth.

The funeral service industry generates $11 billion in revenue a year, according to the National Funeral Directors Association. In 2007, the association said the U.S. death rate was 8.0 people per thousand, and that is expected to rise to 9.3 people per thousand by the year 2020.

The caskets do not qualify for Walmart.com's free site-to-store shipping program, where shoppers can buy an item online and have it shipped to a local store for free.

Instead, the website says the caskets require freight delivery to the shopper's preferred address. The estimated shipping cost for the sienna bronze casket is $99.

Competitor Costco Wholesale Corp already sells caskets online.

Having internet problems...don't call your ISP

SWINE Flu pandemic...are we seeing a trend...?

Is this just a coincidence?

2007 - Chinese Year of the Chicken
- Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese Year of the Horse
- Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese Year of the Pig
- Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe

Next year is ... 2010
- Chinese Year of the Cock
- Is it too early to panic?

Write a good job resume...it's an employer's market out there

M y
Re simay

To
Hoom it Mae cunsern,

I waunt
To apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I kin
Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think
I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person.

I no my
Spelling is not too good.

My
Salerery is open, I kin start
Emeditely.

Thank yoo
In advanse fore yore anser.

Sinseerly,

Tiffanny


PS : Because my resimay is a bit short

I sent a
Pickture
Of
Me.



Employer's Response:...
Dear
Tiffany,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.

See you
Monday.

Feeling Great

Drugs and driving.....

Halloween Costume A MUST SEE.

Economic Stimulus packages.....

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
Set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
• If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
• If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
• If you purchase a computer, it will go to India ..
• If you purchase fruit or vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .
• If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.
• If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
• If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses, and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in by:
1. Spending it at yard sales, or
2. Going to ball games, or
3. Beer or
4. Tattoos.
(These are the only businesses still operating in North America.)

The highest position in the world

I-N-C-R-E-D- I-B-L-E!!


Do you know who holds the highest position in the world?

President Barack Obama? Nope.
Pope Benedict? Nope.
The Dalai Lama? Nope.

Do you want to see WHO that person is ?

Until Now....

Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India ,
is the cult hero of Dubai 's army of construction workers.

Known as the "Indian on the top of the world",
Babu is the crane operator at the world's tallest building, the 819-meter Burj Dubai.

His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home.
It takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile -
although, when the building is completed, its elevators will be the world's fastest.

Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai 's workers.
Some say he has been up there for more than a year,
others whisper that he's paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month
compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month.

But everyone agrees, he's worth it -
because nobody else would have the courage to do the job!

How to hold a beer while riding a motorcycle!

I don't normally advocate drinking and driving,
but this is just holding the beer.

A GPS system can be dangerous....

A couple of weeks ago I read that someone had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.

When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.

The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.

Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.

You gotta love a drunk

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!’  He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Who was that?' asked his wife.

'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.

'Did you help him?' she asks.

'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'

'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife.  'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?  I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'

'Yes,' comes back the answer.

'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.

'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.

'Where are you?' asks the husband.

'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.

Newfie and Cop.....

A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus. 'Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Angus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?

' Angus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus' answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded.

'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning.

I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up.

He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'

'Now what the Hell would you say?'

Why he is a general

In a recent interview general Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness towards the people who have harboured and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the the 9/11 attack against America. His answer was classic.

The General said:
"I BELIEVE THAT FORGIVING THEM IS GOD'S FUNCTION, OUR JOB IS TO ARRANGE THE MEETING."

Feet and body organs

Quite interesting! Keep Walking..... Jus to check this out...... The Organs of your body have their sensory touches at the bottom of your foot, if you massage these points you will find relief from aches and pains as you can see the heart is on the left foot.

Let it go...!!!!!!

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people walk
away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into
staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to
see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us
that it might be made manifest that they were not for
us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have
continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.


And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just
means that their part in the story is over. And you've got
to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep
trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you
something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I
believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm
faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong
to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take

you to a new level in Him......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken
relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try
to help themselves......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .......

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so
used to handling yourself

and God is saying "take your hands off of it,"

then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left
.. think about it, and then ....

LET IT GO!!!

World's Fastest Train

This is a high speed train built by the Alstom rail Group in France.Alstom They share manufacturing facilities with the GE Energy Products Europe (EPE) Gas Turbine group.The Train hits 574.8 Km/hr which is 357.2 MPH or Mach 0.482.Watch the train going under the bridge with people watching.

Office Supplies

At Indian, One More Try at a Comeback

The Chief Bomber is a new model designed to evoke World War II-era

The assembly plant in Kings Mountain, N.C.

By DANIEL McDERMON
Published: October 1, 2009

New York Times.

Full article

Canada's Prime Minister.......Stephen Harper sings Beatles song with Yo Yo Ma

Harper shocked the audience by coming on stage and sitting at a grand piano. With Ma on cello, along with two guitarists and a drummer, they performed the classic Beatles hit, with Harper providing the lead vocals.

CBC's Evan Solomon, who attended the gala, said Harper's performance stunned and wowed the crowd, and received high praise even from members of opposition parties who were also there for the evening.

Click on the link below to enjoy Ottawa's got talent

Prime Minister of Canada sings a Beatlles song

"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.""Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed. And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. The the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.""Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad, nodding. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

Chicken a la Carte

By: Ferdinand Dimadura

La Dolce Vita......

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

Volano....Does anyone know who makes these?

Color Available :
Red, Blue, Black,Yellow, Green all with Silver accents

Engine Type :
4 Stroke Air cooled

Cylinder Arrangement :
Single

Transmission System :
Automatic

Bore Stroke :
4 Stroke

Piston Displacement :
49cc

Starter System :
Kick / Electric

Lubrication :
Oil

Overall Length :
1935 mm

Overall Width :
660 mm

Overall Height :
1160 mm

Wheel Base :
1365 mm

Dry Weight :
81 kg

Rider Capacity :
150 kg

Brake (Front/Rear) :
Disc Hand/Drum/Pedal

Front Tire :
120/70-12

Rear Tire :
130/70-12

Ignition Type :
CDI

Fuel Tank Capacity (L) :
6.5 Litre

Load Capacity :
150 kg

Battery :
12Volt/6Ah

Does anyone know who manufactures these scooters? I can't find any substantial info on them, saw one at the park the other day and it looked good. Junior is interested in getting one...but other than a vague mention to a distributor...I haven't been able to get any info on the machine, other than what you see above and none whatsoever on who makes them.

Sorry I haven't been visitng blogs...will resume doing so shortly upon full recovery...Cheers everyone.

Are you smarter than a fifth grader....

Putting in a traffic light would just screw the whole works up

For those of you who complain about OUR traffic

A tough rider from the 60's

The Bill and Hillary Kitchen Set

Modern day “Gentleman Godiva” truly a bare-naked bozo on a "BIKE"

September 18, 2009
By David Menzies

The Ocala, Fla. police had a perfectly good reason to pull over a motorcyclist earlier this week. For starters, the motorcycle was travelling in a very erratic fashion. And secondly, the motorcyclist was completely nude.

OK, granted Florida is the “Sunshine State” and it can be such a bothersome task keeping those pesky tan lines at bay. But cruising the interstate in one’s birthday suit?

Mike Rolls, the sheriff's captain for Marion County, was on duty when he passed by the naked man sitting atop a silver-hued motorcycle near Ocala's Interstate 75. Rolls immediately began pursuit.

After the bare-naked biker drove through a red light (seldom a good sign), Rolls was able to pull-over the aspiring mobile nudist who was later identified as Dante Krauss, 45.

Krauss said he didn’t know where he had been that day (turned out he was at a Hooters, actually) and he had absolutely no explanation for his nakedness (turns out he was drinking copious quantities of booze at Hooters.)

Eventually, Krause admitted to having “a few drinks” prior to embarking on his motorcycle ride. Well, more than a few, actually. A Breathalyzer test indicated Krauss had a .162 blood alcohol level, considerably above the state’s .08 legal limit.

After providing the naked nitwit with a shirt and shawl, Rolls placed the man under arrest and brought him to the Marion County Jail.

Adding to the sheer stupidity of the escapade, this was Krauss’s fifth DUI charge. He was later released on US$20,000 bail.

Questions still abound. Such as: how many DUIs does one have to receive before one’s licence is permanently revoked? And how did Krauss happen to have 20 grand on him when he didn’t even have any pockets? And why is it we never hear about Hooters Girls commuting au natural?

In the meantime, it should go without saying (but we’ll say it anyway): biking, alcohol and nudity just do not mix.

Posted at 12:01 AM |

With age comes wisdom....

A guy is about 80 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day
when he heard a voice say,
'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see any one.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on a piece of driftwood, was
a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me ?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you ! ! '
Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you
have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I
will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up
carefully,
and placed it in his front breast pocket of his fishing jacket.
Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?

I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

Medical Facts.........

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea....does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Hell of a name for a vessel full of seamen.......

Little Johnny's back.....

Little Johnny's at it again..... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Tight families

Is there Life after Death...?

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact, "Marion ... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course ... I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep, and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob, knowing you, you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ."